The Rhythm of Conversation | Episode 30
Episode 30: From Autism Diagnosis to College Freshman
The rhythm of conversation.
This video is especially nostalgic for me to watch now.
In Episode 30, you actually see me teaching my son a strategy we called the rhythm of conversation.
The strategy began because my son told me he wanted to be one of the “cool kids.”
Of course, I told him he was already a cool kid.
What he was really trying to communicate was that he wanted to make friends and was having difficulty connecting with other children.
So, we worked on a strategy.
I explained that conversation has a rhythm.
There is a back-and-forth between people, and sometimes he was leaving the interaction before another child had enough time to discover just how cool he was.
So, I literally taught him the rhythm.
Not long afterward, we went to a waterpark near our home. He used the strategy, connected with another child, and made a buddy to play with while we were there.
The strategy worked.
But looking back through the lens of the Village Engagement Matrix™, I can see that something else was developing too.
Strategic trust.
My son was beginning to learn that he could bring me something he was navigating, we could examine it together, develop a strategy, and then he could go back into the world and try that strategy for himself.
That rhythm became part of our relationship:
Bring me the situation.
Let’s understand it.
Let’s develop a strategy.
You go try it.
Then we evaluate what happened.
Today, as an Oak Tree, that rhythm remains.
Just last night, we were together practicing a monologue for a theater audition he has tomorrow.
And I found myself thinking about this video.
Years ago, I was sitting with my little boy teaching him the rhythm of a basic conversation.
Last night, I was sitting with a 19-year-old college theater student helping him think through how to use his voice, timing, expression, and body to communicate the thoughts of a character.
The skill has evolved.
So has the child.
And so has my role.
As his parent in the Consultant Phase, he still brings me things he is working through.
We talk.
We strategize.
He decides what works for him.
Then he goes out into the world and does the work.
Through the lens of the Village Engagement Matrix™, I can now see that this video captured more than the development of conversational skills.
It captured the development of a relationship in which my child learned:
When I am trying to figure something out, I have someone I can trust to help me develop a strategy.
And almost 11 years later, that rhythm is still ours.
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