Helping My Child Engage with Others | Episode 25
Episode 25: From Autism Diagnosis to College Freshman
Helping my child engage with others.
In Episode 25, we discuss a characteristic of autism that has required continued attention throughout my son’s development: he can become so deeply focused on his own thoughts and interests that he may not naturally acknowledge or engage with the people around him.
As a Young Tree, relationships outside of our family were becoming increasingly important to him.
So, we began working more intentionally on the social reciprocity that helps people establish and maintain relationships.
Today, as an Oak Tree, this remains an area we work through together.
My son remembers people differently.
He may remember an experience he shared with someone, something meaningful about the person, or even a pair of shoes that caught his attention while not remembering the person’s name.
He may value someone deeply without naturally engaging in the small talk and social exchanges that another person might interpret as evidence that the relationship is reciprocal.
That is where things get complicated.
There are social courtesies that carry significant meaning for other people.
We say hello. We ask, “How are you?” We acknowledge people when we enter a space.
Those exchanges may be brief and surface-level, but their absence can be interpreted as disinterest, rudeness, or a lack of regard.
So, as his parent in the Consultant Phase, I find myself helping him understand a social barometer that is sometimes very different from his own.
At the same time, I want him to remain authentic.
I do not want social etiquette to become a performance that replaces genuine connection.
I want him to understand why certain social practices matter to other people and then have the tools to make informed choices about how he engages.
That is the work now.
How do you honor the way your brain naturally connects with people while also understanding the reciprocity that relationships with other people may require?
Through the lens of the Village Engagement Matrix™, development does not mean becoming someone else.
It means continuing to build the knowledge, skills, and strategies needed to pursue the relationships and life you desire while maintaining a strong sense of who you are.
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