Helping My Child Build Friendships | Episode 26
Episode 26: From Autism Diagnosis to College Freshman
Helping my child build friendships.
In Episode 26, we discuss my son’s growing desire to make friends and establish meaningful connections with people outside of our family.
This was one of the more difficult parts of his development for me to watch.
I wanted him to have friendships because he wanted them. But as his mother, there was something else underneath that desire for me.
I know I will not live forever.
I have always wanted to know that my son would have loving relationships beyond me—a village of his own filled with people who know him, value him, and genuinely care about his well-being.
I did not know when or how those relationships would develop.
Today, as an Oak Tree, I am watching it happen.
Last semester, my son developed a friendship in college that eventually led to the two young men becoming roommates.
And that relationship has given me something I did not realize I needed:
Peace.
College now feels like a safer emotional space for my son because he has a home base where he can simply be himself.
Navigating a neurotypical world as a neurodivergent young adult requires tremendous social awareness.
There are environments where he is consciously reading the room, interpreting social expectations, and determining how to engage.
But everybody needs somewhere they can exhale.
In his dorm, with a friend who knows and accepts him, he can vocalize. He can pace. He can stim.
He can laugh loudly.
He can engage with his interests.
He can simply exist comfortably in his own space without constantly monitoring how his natural way of being will be received.
To me, that is one of the greatest gifts of friendship:
A relationship in which you have the freedom to be yourself.
Through the lens of the Village Engagement Matrix™, this is what I wanted all along.
The village surrounding a child should evolve as the child develops.
Eventually, our Oak Trees begin choosing and building villages of their own.
And as his parent in the Consultant Phase, I can begin resting a little easier knowing that the village around my son is no longer made up solely of people I selected for him.
He is building his own.
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