Episode 43 | Looking Back at What Helped Me Grow
Episode 43: From Autism Diagnosis to College Freshman
Looking Back at What Helped Me Grow
These archival conversations were recorded while I was writing Raising Superman.
As Ricky II approached the end of high school and prepared for college and young adulthood, the interview process gave us space to have candid conversations about his experiences growing up on the autism spectrum and my experiences parenting a child on the autism spectrum.
Throughout the Explorer Phase of Parenting in the Village Engagement Matrix™, I spent years studying Ricky II.
I watched.
I listened.
I tried strategies.
I worked with his teachers and other village members.
I paid attention to what helped him engage, communicate, learn, build relationships, and navigate the world around him.
But this conversation is different.
This time, Ricky II does most of the talking.
At 18, he looks back across his Pre-K through second-grade years and walks us through the things that stand out to him—the strategies, people, experiences, and relationships that helped him grow.
He remembers learning how to read a room and the importance of making abstract expectations more concrete.
He remembers his kindergarten teacher using a xylophone to signal, “Stop. Look. Listen.”
He remembers the affirming notes his first-grade teacher sent home when he did something well.
He remembers discovering that music could help him remember information—a strategy he created for himself and continued to use as he grew.
He remembers developing preferences and independence.
He remembers friendship and beginning to understand how relationships can change as circumstances change.
And because these are his memories, they give us something my perspective alone cannot provide.
During the Explorer Phase, I was studying my child.
Years later, my child can look back and tell me what he remembers about being raised, taught, supported, and loved during those years.
There is also something I want families and educators to notice while watching this conversation.
The pauses.
Ricky II is doing considerably more of the talking, and sometimes he needs additional time to organize his thoughts and find the words he wants to use.
So I wait.
There is no need to rush him.
There is no need to fill every silence.
He knows I am still there.
We are still in conversation.
And when he’s ready, he continues.
Giving someone a voice also means giving them the time and space to use it in the way that works for them.
That is part of engagement too.
The Explorer Phase wasn’t only about what I could teach Ricky II.
It was about learning enough about him to understand how to support his continued growth and development.
And now, at 18, I get to listen while Ricky II looks back and tells us—in his own words—what helped him grow. ❤️🌰🌱🌿🌳
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