Episode 40 | Learning Your Child’s Language
Episode 40: From Autism Diagnosis to College Freshman
Learning Your Child’s Language
These archival conversations were recorded while I was writing Raising Superman.
As Ricky II approached the end of high school and prepared for college and young adulthood, the interview process gave us space to have candid conversations about his experiences growing up on the autism spectrum and my experiences parenting a child on the autism spectrum.
In the Village Engagement Matrix™, the Explorer Phase of Parenting occurs while children are in the early years of development. During this phase, we are studying the individual child in front of us—learning their interests, preferences, strengths, needs, and the many ways they communicate who they are.
Ricky II taught me early that communication was much bigger than spoken language.
Before he could easily tell me what interested him, I could observe what captured his attention.
Before he could explain what brought him joy, I could notice what he repeatedly moved toward.
And his stimming became one of the many pieces of information available to me as I learned my child.
I called those moments my God winks.
They reminded me to pay attention.
Not because a particular movement automatically means the same thing for every child, but because I had studied my child long enough to recognize patterns in how Ricky II engaged with the things he loved.
And then I used that information.
When something consistently captured his attention and brought him joy, I created more opportunities for him to explore it.
That is the work of the Explorer Phase.
Study the child. Listen to all the ways they communicate. Use what you learn to create opportunities for further exploration.
And then remain open to learning more.
Because one of the gifts of development is that children may eventually be able to give us language for things we once only observed.
That happens beautifully in this conversation.
At 18, Ricky II gives me new information about a behavior I had observed throughout his childhood.
I had spent years recognizing his stimming as one way he expressed joy.
What I had never realized was that sometimes I was the source of that joy.
Even after nearly two decades of studying my child, there was still more for him to teach me.
And that may be one of the most important lessons of the Explorer Phase:
We never become more expert on a child than the child is on themselves.
Our job is to remain curious enough to keep learning.
❤️🌰🌱🌿🌳
Comments