Lead with Logic: 4 Keys to Advocating for Your Child

By Dr. El Brown, author of You Are Not Alone: A Blueprint for Thriving While Mothering a Child on the Autism Spectrum

If you’ve ever walked into an IEP meeting, you know it is not just another appointment on your calendar. It is not simply a discussion of goals or services. For families, these meetings are deeply emotional because we understand what is really at stake: the trajectory of our child’s future. We are not signing a piece of paper; we are mapping out a life.

That is why the stakes feel so high. We carry every hope and every fear into that room. We are tied soul-deep to our children. And because of that, emotions can run hot. I know the feeling of sitting in a meeting with my belly on fire, the hairs on the back of my neck standing, ready to unleash my Mama Bear growl when my child was not seen clearly.

But here’s what I’ve learned — and what I share in my book You Are Not Alone: even when emotions rise, advocacy is most effective when it is anchored in logic. Logic can be understood by any reasonable person in the room. Emotions are valid, but they require others to share your value system in order to resonate. Logic, on the other hand, is universal.

When I learned to lead with logic, I began to experience a 100% success rate in getting what my son needed. Documented logic and a healthy understanding of policy became my best friends. And they can be yours too.

Over the years, I’ve identified four components that every parent needs to become an effective advocate for their child:

1. Be Informed

Know your stuff. Read, research, and track your child’s progress. Study their strengths and challenges so you can speak from data, not just emotion. The more informed you are, the more confidently you can present your child’s needs.

2. Be Prepared

Don’t walk into meetings unready. Write down your points ahead of time. In moments when emotions rise — and they will — having prepared notes allows you to stay grounded and concise. Preparation ensures your voice can be heard even if it shakes.

3. Build a Village

You don’t have to figure this out alone. Align yourself with friends, family, and professionals who can offer insight and support. Join parent groups or connect with others who have walked this road. A village doesn’t just share information — it shares strength.

4. Communicate Clearly

Effective communication means getting what’s in your head into someone else’s head with as few barriers as possible. Emotions and opinions can be barriers. Logic and clarity build bridges. People may not share your values, but they can follow sound reasoning. Communicate needs in ways that are precise, rational, and actionable.

The Takeaway

Advocacy is not fighting. Advocacy is help. Advocacy is support. It is the steady work of ensuring your child’s needs are met — not by creating adversaries, but by creating allies.

So the next time you feel that fire in your belly rising in an IEP meeting, remember this: you don’t have to fight to be heard. Lead with logic, ground yourself in preparation, surround yourself with allies, and speak with clarity.

Because at the end of the day, your goal is simple: to ensure your child has every opportunity to maximize their personal potential and WIN.