How to Tell It: Turning Daily Incidents Into Partnership

By Dr. El Brown, Engagement Strategist

In the village, every day brings its moments — moments where children’s behaviors highlight areas of growth, and moments where those choices show us where they would benefit from further instruction and scaffolding. None of this means a child isn’t thriving. It means they are learning, and we are all in position — teacher, child, and family together — to be allies in that growth.

When concerning behavior happens during the day, families deserve to know about it. But here’s the truth: how we tell it makes all the difference.

A rushed or frustrated comment like “Angela has been hitting kids all day” is an emotion-based observation. It reflects the adult’s frustration more than it reflects what actually occurred. Angela was not hitting children for seven hours straight.

Exaggerations not only distort reality but also undermine professional credibility. They cause families to become defensive, and once defensiveness enters the conversation, trust diminishes and meaningful communication is compromised. Instead of fostering partnership, exaggerated statements create barriers that prevent collaboration and problem-solving.

And that is the opposite of our goal. We want families to know about their child’s behavior in school so we can partner with them to ensure that child is able to maximize their personal potential in both the school and home learning environments.

That’s where the Tell It method comes in. It helps us talk about daily incidents in a way that is tactful and preserves — and builds — relationship and partnership.

The Four Steps of “Tell It”

When communicating daily incidents with families, use this four-step structure:

1. Greeting / Rapport Building

2. What you noticed

3. What you did

4. How the family can assist

This approach preserves trust, keeps the focus on the child’s growth, and turns a tough moment into an opportunity for shared responsibility.

A Scenario: Angela on the Playground

Let’s walk through an example.

An emotion-based approach might sound like this:

“Angela has been hitting kids all day.”

That statement is heavy, alarming, and leaves the family with no real picture of what happened or how they can help.

Now, let’s apply the Tell It method:

1. Greeting / Rapport Building

“Hi, Ms. Cruz. I hope you’ve had a great day. I’d like to bring something to your attention.”

✅ This sets a respectful, calm tone. Families lean in, not brace themselves.

2. What You Noticed

“Today, I noticed Angela hit two children during outside playtime. I also saw her hit a friend yesterday.”

✅ This provides specific, observable facts — not exaggerations.

3. What You Did

“I spoke with her about consent and boundaries and reminded her why it’s important not to hit her classmates.”

✅ This shows the family that you didn’t just observe — you responded.

4. How the Family Can Assist

“Could you please speak with Angela at home about the importance of not hitting her classmates?”

✅ This invites partnership. It communicates the concern directly without diluting the message and respects the family member as your partner.

Why This Matters

In the village, communication is never about blame. It’s about alignment. Families are not adversaries, and educators are not gatekeepers. We are partners with a shared mission: to help children succeed.

When we stop at “Angela was hitting kids all day,” we create alarm without direction. Families walk away with anxiety and no clear next step.

When we use the Tell It method, we:

• Build trust through rapport and tone.

• Share clear, factual observations.

• Show our own proactive response.

• Invite the family into the solution.

It keeps all three voices — teacher, child, and family — mission-aligned and working together toward growth.

Because at the end of the day, our goal is simple: to communicate daily incidents in a way that keeps families informed, respected, and empowered as allies in their child’s success.