5 Ways to Listen to Children Differently: Turning Behavior Into Communication

Every action has a message.

By Dr. El Brown, Engagement Strategist

In the village, we know this: children are always communicating. Sometimes they use words. Sometimes they use their bodies. Sometimes they use behavior that catches us off guard. But make no mistake — there is always a message.

When we shift from frustration to interpretation, we start to hear what behavior is really saying. That’s when we stop labeling children as “difficult” or “bad” and start responding to their needs in ways that move them forward. And because we are all mission-aligned allies, this is the work we do together.

Here are five ways to listen to children differently and turn behavior into communication:

1. See Behavior as a Message

Before we react, let’s pause and ask ourselves: What is this child trying to tell me? A tantrum might be a child’s way of saying, “This is too much.” A child who keeps leaving circle time might be saying, “My body needs to move.” When we see behavior as communication, we shift from discipline to understanding — and that shift is what builds trust.

2. Look for Patterns

If the same behavior keeps showing up, there’s a reason. A child who melts down at the same time every day is giving us a clue. Patterns are the breadcrumbs that lead us to the root. And once we see the root, we can create solutions that meet the child’s real need instead of addressing only the surface.

3. Write It Down

Our memories can trick us into exaggerating or minimizing. Writing observations down — simply, clearly, without judgment words — gives us the facts. Documentation not only helps us notice patterns we might miss, but it also strengthens our credibility with families. When we share what we’ve written, we are saying, “I took this seriously enough to keep a record.”

4. Monitor Development, Don’t Diagnose

As service providers, our role is to observe, support, and share what we see with families. It is not our role to diagnose. When we stay in our lane — “I noticed he built with blocks for 15 minutes straight” instead of “I think he has a delay” — we protect relationships and build confidence. Families need us as allies, not as unofficial diagnosticians.

5. Stay Curious, Not Critical

The most powerful posture we can take is curiosity. Curiosity asks, “I wonder what’s happening for this child?” Criticism declares, “This child is difficult.” When we stay curious, we keep the door open for discovery, solutions, and partnership. And when families see us asking questions instead of passing judgment, they know we are in this together.

Because at the end of the day, our goal is simple: to help children thrive by tuning our ears, our eyes, and our hearts to the language they speak — the language of behavior.